


Everything Will Be Okay

by leeahgalaxies



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-16
Updated: 2017-11-16
Packaged: 2019-02-01 15:19:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12707604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leeahgalaxies/pseuds/leeahgalaxies
Summary: This was a request on my tumblr that i changed a bit of.Can you do an imagine of the reader being a queen of Wakanda in the 60s and she forced to become a super soldier by hydra and years later she meets Bucky and he try to help her forget hydra and start to fall in love.Title stolen from G-Eazy and Kehlani.





	Everything Will Be Okay

_The second your eyes had opened up everything felt off. The air was thick and it was dead quiet outside of your room. The place was never quiet T’chaka and T’challa both hated the sound of nothingness. So take up to the prominent sound of nothing throughout your home now it was beyond unsettling.  
_

_You brushed it off though as you walked out of your room and down towards where you normally meet with the Dora Milaje to escort you to the main floor. But they weren’t there to greet you. Instead you’re met with a sharp pain in the back of your head and then nothingness._

_You wanted to be dead so terribly bad. Your head ached so intensely you felt nauseated, you could barely move your arms and legs and you couldn’t see a thing. Then you were moving, being shoved forward on your knees on something hard and metallic._

_You tried to memorize where you were going and where you had been. Every turn and bump, before you got out of whatever transportation unit you had been in. Then your walking on wobbling legs listening to the sound of doors opening and hushed whispers. Still trying to keep track of where you were being lead._

_“Ouch!” You groaned as whoever was leading you, where ever the hell you were going, pulled you up by whatever forced your hands to be bound behind you, so hard you felt your shoulder damn near dislocate._

_“Shut up and move!” The deep angry voice growled from above you._

_“Well, if I could see where I was goin’ there might be a little pep in my step.” You didn’t know who you were talking to and you had a feeling that they wouldn’t appreciate what you had to say. You were proven right when you got shoved into a wall so hard your forehead bounced off it. You felt the blood dripping from your nose on to your full lips and groaned at the pain. You fought back the urge so heavily ingrained in you by your father to fight, and make a fuss. Instead you kept talking._

_“Tough guy like you i’d assume you wanted me to see that pretty face before you knocked me out. Eye to eye with the devil and all that.” The body shoving you forward stopped and pushed you back into another wall. You were prepared for the most part, you didn’t let the back of your head slam against the wall. Before you could open your mouth to speak again though whatever was covering your eyes was snatched away and you were face to face with a man the size of 3 buildings. His hair was blonde cut short. His face was clean shaven and smooth albeit for the scars that were red and rose up in long jagged angry lines across his face and neck_

_“You’re the man of every princesses dream.” You smiled and batted your long lashes, and licked your lips tasting the blood that still was flowing freely from your nose. He grabbed you again continuing on down a hallway until there was a sharp turn that he made that had you tripping over yourself again._

_You were now walking down a room that had a cell every other door. The majority of the ones you were pushed past were empty, besides the few beds but it still made you feel uneasy. The walk was slower down this hall then it had been getting here, it gave you more balance that you were beyond thankful for, but something was still so unsettling and you couldn’t figure out what. Then the man who was dragging you whistled once and the loud sounds of several pairs of boots hitting floors filled your ears and you felt sick. The further down the hall you walked the more noise was being made until he stopped and shoved you towards the middle of 8 doors. You stood stone still as you watched 6 of the doors open slowly, so slowly it was agonizing. Then with another whistle 6 body’s filled out of the doors and stood in front of you._

_You tried to take a step back away from the people standing in front of you. You were justly intimated you had no idea what was going to happen. If the man had planned for all 6 of them to kill you or what. Y_ _ou felt a hard hand shove you and then you were directly in the middle of all the bodies._

_“Not so keen to run your mouth now?” You didn’t reply only swallowed the growing lump in your throat. If you had to fight you would until you physically could not anymore. Until everything was broken and you were a puddle. He laughed thickly before he whistled a final time and they marched past you. He pushed you forward more towards the last two doors in the hall. He stepped a little in front of you too unlock it before he pulled you forward in it._

_The room was plain, you didn’t really expect much obviously you were a prisoner of some kind, but there was a sink and a bed, if you could even call it that. The man pulled you further into the room so you were facing the bed._

_“Get down.” He growled out before you heard the sound of cutting and the feeling of your hands falling free. You didn’t move though, rightfully so you were terrified and only then did you notice you were still in your pajamas from the night before, a shirt that did nothing to actually cover you or your chest and sleep shorts that came above mid thigh. A million thoughts ran through your head, what the hell was he going to do if you moved? Would he lock the door and force himself on you? Would he call those people back and make them watch while it happened? Your thoughts are cut short when he speaks again_

_“I said down.” He move to shove you down into the filthy mattress, but before he could get a hold of you to push you sidestepped, afraid that when he got you down it would all be over. In your head you planned to jump on his back to throw him off balance, but before your legs could even leave the ground there was an elbow hitting you hard in the face and you stumbled back into the open door._

_He made his way towards you stalking ever so slowly until he was right in front of you, then he grabbed you around your throat and lifted you up, your feet immediately leaving the ground as you were brought face to face with him. You tried to speak, to beg him to stop, tell him that you would cooperate, but the second your mouth opened he squeezed hard and all you could do was gasp and struggle, your legs kicking to land on anything that would give you leverage to stand on so he wasn’t crushing your windpipes any more._

_All of a sudden you’re dropped down to your knees with a loud groan from the man above you and for a solid few seconds your confused until he squeezes his eyes shut and grabs his middle. You landed a handful of solid kicks on him and one of them must have hit just above his bits._

_“You dumb bitch!” He screams loudly directly into your face. His hand is now closed into a fist and reared back far enough that you know it’s gonna be nap time as soon as it makes contact with your face. So you closed your eyes and braced yourself for the impact._

_It never comes though instead there was the sound of a glass shattering and loud angry screams coming from the cell directly in front of yours and then the ear splitting sound of an alarm._

_“ **CODE RED: SOLDIER NUMBER 1 OUT AND ACTIVE. SOLIDER NUMBER 1 OUT AND ACTIVE PROCEED WITH CAUTION AND FORCE.** ”_

_There is a tense few seconds before he decides you aren’t worth his time at the moment so he dropped his hand and pushed you back into a sitting position before he slammed your door closed and locked it running off down one of the halls._

You still had nightmares almost every night. Sometimes it was about the pain. The unbelievable pain that you were put through and that you put people through.

The constant ache somewhere in the back of your head that you were broken and alone forever. Incapable of ever being you again torn to shreds and rebuilt again by people who couldn’t careless about you. Ruined by people who didn’t think twice about coming into your kingdom and stealing you and your sense of security away from you.

More often was it about them being inside of your home, your sanctuary. So close to the people you loved the most. Your family. Your people. How easy it was so easy for them to get in and out  with you.

The fire that you would bring to rain down on them for hurting anyone that you loved was not the same you felt to survive everyday. It took so much out of you just to get out of bed in the morning. It had taken months for you to want to sleep again scared to death that you would wake up to the terrible reality that you were still trapped.  

You weren’t doing great by any means, but you were surviving. You woke up each day a little bit better then the day before. You tried to get back into your routine from before, you wanted to get back to helping Shuri with her inventions. Helping T'challa prepare for his reign as king.

Then your dad was killed and the little progress you had been making came tumbling down like shattering glass. Your entire world had been destroyed.

You reverted back to your closed off self almost immediately. You wouldn’t talk to your siblings, wouldn’t eat. Nothing would bring you out of your room. You stayed in there for weeks at a time while they looked for the man that had killed your father. You stayed in there when the found him. You tried to stay in there when they had brought Captain America back with them, but Shuri and T'challa both insisted that you needed fresh air.

So you were dragged out to the garden with Shuri and it felt good. The sun was out and shining, Shuri was telling jokes and you were actually laughing. Laughing like you hadn’t done in ages. You were so content and happy in the garden you hadn’t even noticed you were being watched.

* * *

“So you’re sure you can help him?” Steve asked as he, T’Challa and Bucky made their way through the med bay.

It had been a long week and everyone was beyond tired. Tired of fighting, tired of chasing, tired of almost being mauled to death by a man in cat suit. Everything was far from perfect now, Tony was still, rightfully upset at Steve and Bucky. Natasha had completely ‘noped’ the fuck out of the situation for the time being. Sam, Clint, Scott and Wanda were currently in an underwater prison and Bucky still couldn’t help but think this was all his fault. Even though it wasn’t, he knew in his head that they had caught the guy that pretended to be him, had locked him up and the world knew now that he was innocent of the crimes that were brought against him, but still he had thoughts that maybe if he had died when he fell off that train, or died when he was being tortured by Pierce, Steve and his new, good superhero friends wouldn’t be in the position that they were currently in.

They would be happy alive and together and he would be where he belonged dead and buried.

“No worries my friends,” T’challa says as he looks solemnly out the glass window towards where you were sitting talking to Shuri, “We have already done this once before with great success.”

Steve and Bucky both follow his gaze as they land on you, Steve is the first to speak. “Who is that?”

“My sister,” your name rolls of his tongue like butter and Buckys head almost snaps back to look at him,“she was also forced into a similar situation as your friend manipulated, tortured…” he thinks for a long second before he continues, “Broken.” That’s the best word he could think of at the moment. He doesn’t like to say it. You _aren’t_  broken but you were by them. Abused for years and years until your father, the black panther at the time, came and rescued you. He doesn’t like to remember how many hours he and the entire Wakanda team of doctors had stayed up late at night working to find a way to help you recover.

Bucky tries your name on his tongue as he watches you. It burns of bad memories and a hatred he can’t grasp. He’s said it before, heard it being screamed before, but it doesn’t connect immediately why it taste like bile in his mouth.

“Was it?” Steve asks, the question doesn’t need an ending because everyone in the facility knows it was them. Bucky doesn’t look back at Steve when he rolls his eyes, still looking to where you and Shuri are enjoying yourselves in the sun.

“Yes.” It sounds simple and easy, but Steve and Bucky know more then anything it burns like molten lava coming out.

“What happened? Who helped you get her back?” Steve moved forward to stand beside T’challa. He and the Avengers couldn’t even break into a HYDRA base without them being 10 steps and 30 guns behind them.

This grabs Bucks attention immediately. One of the only people able to get in and out of the HYDRA base with information and a soldier was The Black Panther. The night after the break in the HYDRA agents told them of what a great lose they had suffered the night before. Wakandan royalty. It had been shouted, branded and beaten in some cases, into them that night until all they could say was her name. It was drilled into them so thoroughly that most days when they couldn’t remember their own name they remembered hers. He hated your name because they made him.

They had let royalty slip so easily from their grasps. The agents took their anger out on the remaining soldiers. They worked them even harder. Put them in the chair for longer stretches of time. Made them fight with bigger, better, more dangerous weapons. They fought to the death after that break in. So that when the soldiers got the opportunity she would be eliminated on sight. She was the top priority for every solider.

The memory is like a punch to the gut.

He takes a few seconds to catch his breath before he answer the question himself. “The Black Panther.”

“It was you?” Steve asked amazement clearly evident in his voice.

“The Black Panther did get her back, but it was not me it was our father.” T’challa says as he leads the way out of the med bay and towards where they’ll be situated for who knows how long. It’s a sore spot Steve and Bucky both know so they let it drop.

But Bucky couldn’t help but to think about you.

He remembered when you first got dragged into that horrible cold cubicle cell just across the hall from him. How you screamed and punched and spit and bite as they tried to force you into your place. He admire you for your courage and heart. You looked like you could hold your own for the most part, but he knew eventually they would do something that completely broke you for good and he was hard set on not letting that happen, he had watched it happen dozens of times with potential soldiers, majority of them didn’t make the cut and were killed either in or on their first field mission, but he couldn’t let those fates befall you. There was an undeniable urge to protect you from them. Something about you made him want to keep them from hurting you even if that meant he got the chair a hundred times a day.

“Did you know her Buck?” Steve whispers not for any real privacy reason but in case Bucky didn’t  want to talk about it.  

“Yeah, I did.” It’s all he says before he walks down the hall to be prepared for cryo.

* * *

 

It takes an hour and half before they’re ready for him. He spends that time mostly talking to Steve and gorging out on some of the best food he’s ever had.

“So what’s next,” Bucky asked as he picked at his plate “you heading back to New York to make amends with Tony once I’m a popsicle again?” He doesn’t want to be left alone in Wakanda, what if they find him and there’s nothing T’challa can do to stop them? What if they kill everyone there looking for him? He doesn’t want to be alone again.

Steve couldn’t help but to let out a few short chuckles. “No, I kinda like it here,” Steve looks out of the window that takes up the entire left wall, “plus Tony’s still gonna be pretty sour at me.”

“Why?”

“I misspelled his name on a package." There's silence as Bucky looks up at him "To lighten the mood.” He adds as an after thought. Hopefully it would lighten the mood and not make it a million times worse. He could only hope for so much at this point and skipping down the road hand and hand with Tony was far from attainable.

“Captain Rogers, Sergeant Barnes,” a nurse in all white says as she steps into the room. “whenever you’re ready.” Bucky took one last giant bite of food savoring it, partly because it was good and partly because he was terrified that it would be last thing he ate before he woke up strapped to a HYDRA table.

Bucky took a deep breath before he got up from his seat and followed the nurse to the room where his chamber was.

It was brighter than HYDRAs cryo room which was a good sign, when he woke up he would know that he was safe. There wasn’t any machinery or anything hanging over or in front of any of the chairs in the room which was yet another good sign. There were only 7 people in the room including him. Steve, T’challa, you and 3 nurses. It was surprisingly intimate. Sure he was more than grateful for it, but he also assume that there would be more people.

“Sergeant Barnes right this way.” The same nurse from before said as she pointed him in the direction of a bathroom for him to get changed in.

When Bucky comes out of the bathroom, hair wet wife beater shirt fitting just this side of too tight, is when you finally get to see him and realization dawns on you. Sure you had overheard T’challa these past few days talking about HYDRA again and you had assumed he was telling the new techs about it but no. Here in the flesh was  _The Soldier_. The very same Solider that you had spent so many cold nights in the HYDRA base staring across from, that had taught you how to fight and survive and he was here. Right here.

You wanted to say something to him, tell him how happy you were that he wasn’t trapped anymore, to ask if he remembered you, but you couldn’t, you knew better than anyone else that the sudden barrage of questions wouldn’t do him any good so you didn’t only stared for far too long.

“Shall we proceed?” T’challa asked as he approached Bucky and Steve.

“Ready?” Steve asked giving his friend a gentle shoulder bump.

“Yeah.” And with that the 3 nurse that were in the room made their way out and it was suddenly even more intimate. He watches with a look of surprise on his face as they leave and the door beeps shut.

“For your comfort.” Is all T’challa says as an answer for the unasked question.

“Sergeant Barnes if you could please have a seat we will begin.” You tried not to stare directly at him while you prepped him for his first shot, only quick glances and polite smiles never anything longer than 2 seconds as you rubbed alcohol onto the spot where the needle would go.

Bucky probably should have been paying more attention to what T'challa was telling him, but you were so close to him, practically in his face, he could feel your breath on him and it was so distracting in the best ways. The way you just barely brushed against his side, the feather light touches on his arm.

“Fuck!” He snatched his arm away from the table, you and the sudden pain as fast as he could. He clenched and unclenched his fist for a few seconds waiting for the numbness to take over his entire body, waiting for the buzz of the familiar pain to come crashing through him but when it never came he remembered exactly where he was.

“Didn’t you hear them Buck?” Steve asks taking a cautious step closer just in case he had to restrain his friend.

He didn’t, obviously, far to distracted by you and the way the white lab coat was a stark contrast to rich brown skin, the way you moved preparing him for the shot, and they minty smell of your gum, but when he felt the needle he couldn’t help but be transported back to the HYDRA base. When he looked up he felt like a complete ass. Your hands were up in front of you stretched out in open surrender, the needle shattered on the floor and T’challa and Steve were both giving him curious stares.

“Yeah I did.”

“We’re gonna have to do it again. Do you need a minute? We can take a break we aren’t in any rush?” You asked with nothing but utter and true concern.

“No I’m fine now. I just,”He rubbed his hand over his face and took a deep breath. He didn’t wanna explain what had happened in front of you in case you felt bad about causing that memory. “I’m fine now.” He lays his arm back on the table and nods for you to continue.

“We can just take a 5 minut-” Steve starts to say but is cut off immediately by Bucky.

“No. If we wait I'm… I’m not gonn-” Bucky stopped mid sentence as his eyes shot open and he stared down at you while you pulled the needle from his arm and tossed it away.

“You should start feeling the effects in about 20 minutes and then we’ll be ready to put you under.” You said as you smiled at him and rubbed an alcohol pad over the insertion spot before placing a tiny, very unnecessary, bandage over the almost invisible wound.

Bucky remembers the first 10 minutes after you tell him this, everything else is a blur. Fading in and out consciousness and relying heavily onto Steve so he doesn’t fall face first into anything. It’s kind of surreal to not be immediately plunged into a deep sleep and instead have it creeping on to him.

“I’m so sleepy Stevie.” Bucky slurred as he slumped over onto Steve as they walked to the cryo room.

“I know, Buck.” Steve said for what felt like the millionth time in the last 5 minutes.

“Can I take my nap yet?” At this Steve had stopped replying, a lot annoyed at the constant bombardment of question and whines from his friend. Instead focusing on getting him down to where he needed to be. It was becoming increasing more and more difficult the longer it took and he was regretting letting Bucky lead him outside of the building in the first place. When they had finally arrived Steve was more than happy to dump Bucky into the chair.

“How are you feeling Sergeant Barnes?” You asked as you helped him into the seat.

“Sleepy.” He said as he rested his head back against the chair and closed his eyes.

“Do you feel sick at all?” You checked him over. He shook his head no as you checked his eyes for any signs that medicine had a bad effect on his reflexes.

“Does your arm feel funny by chance, no itching or soreness where you got the shot?” He gave one last head shake before T’challa gave the OK to start the cryo chamber.

“You can take your nap now if you’re ready.” At that he completely stopped fighting the sleep that was trying to take him over and fell over into unconsciousness as the nurses and T’challa locked him into the chamber.

“So now what?” Steve asked as he watched Bucky sleep.

“We wait of course.” T’challa says as he watches the ice slowly creep up the front panel of the chamber.

* * *

When Bucky first opens his eyes after being frozen for what he assumed was at least a last few months all of the lights are off and he’s in a bed. It’s a shell shock, his mind races for a few seconds before he shoots upright. He opens his mouth to call for Steve but the only thing that comes out is a painful screech and an uncontrollable coughing fit.

A glass of orange juice and plate of saltines are being gently placed on his bed and he flinches back completely taken aback by the fact that there is another person in the room with him.

“You need to drink something or you’re gonna hurt yourself.” You say urging the glass closer to him.

He doesn’t look up just yet, but he does drink down the juice in 2 big gulps before immediately reaching for the crackers.

“It’ll be the only thing you can stomach for a few days, but trust me once you can eat again I’ll make sure you have whatever you want.”

“Thanks.” He shouldn’t have tried to talk, it feels like there is a knife scratching the back of his throat and it burns, but you deserve words and not just a head nod.

“It’s the least I could do,” You make your way back to the computer typing in a few notes and commands, “you’ve done way more for me than bringin’ me orange juice and crackers.”

Maybe it’s because the crackers are so dry, maybe it’s because he tried to shove seven of them in his mouth at once or maybe it’s because of what you said, either way he’s choking. You motion for him to cross his arm over his head and go to slap his back hard to clear his air passage.

“I- It wasn- I don’t remember wha-.”

“You’re a horrible liar, Mr.Barnes and we both know it.” You finish typing in more commands occasionally asking Bucky how he felt, if he was nauseous, if he had a headache, all the things they had asked you after you were woken up.

He doesn’t know why he had thought you had forgotten. He remembered it every time they tried to scramble his brain like eggs after you had been freed. He remembered Steve, and Brooklyn and You.

_None of the other soldiers had gotten taken to the chair, no one had flipped out on a handler, all of the fights had been damn close to perfection. It was a good day. Then he heard the yelling, he didn’t recognize it as any of the other soldiers or any of the handlers or personnel for the place._

_“Let me go!” The voice, a lady, screamed._

_“Shut up and move!” He saw the shadows as they moved down closer to where he was. The smaller of the shadows dropped and he flinched back as he heard knees slamming against the concrete floor._

_“Ouch!”_

_“Shut up.” Why they would put a new recruit, a female recruit at that with the buffiest most testosterone filled of these beef heads he wasn’t sure, but something in him told him he couldn’t let that guy put a hand on her._

_He doesn’t look when she’s dragged Into her cell just across from his, but he does catch the sound of a faint scuffle._

_“You dumb bitch!” Before he even knows what’s happening his metal hand flies into the sink in his cell. He picks up the chunks that he can and smashes them down before he brings his fist down onto the small lock on his door over and over and over before it gives and he’s out stalking the halls. Its another beat of time before he hears the slam and click of a door and the alarm letting the personnel know he is out._

_He doesn’t know why he risked his streak of good behavior for her but he does and it’s worth it for him. If the world knows him as a monster and weapon that’s fine because he helped a person even it was small and insignificant. Even if no one else would ever know he knew and he did it and for that he couldn’t be complete monster._

“I didn’t recognize you,” He was just full of lies today, “Your hair was longer back then.” That was absolutely true. Your hair before HYDRA was long, down to mid back, and had impossibly tight curls all throughout it. Now though it was short and barely came to your shoulders, though it was still really curly.

“Well if I learned anything from that hell hole it’s that long hair can always be used against you.”

That made Bucky feel sick. He loved your hair it was one of the many things that brought him comfort, knowing that you had something that was so unusual for what they wanted you to become. They wanted all their soldiers to conform to there stander and you didn’t. Long curly deep brown hair for one of the world’s best assassins was just unheard of.

When you trained with HYDRA they used everything as a weapon against you, if you were tiny they made you fight people larger than you. If you were thinner than your opponent they would make you fight with weapons that were far heavier than you could work with. Anything that could put you at a disadvantage,  _‘Too make you better’_  is what they would tell you while you were on the ground bleeding and broken.

He remembered seeing them use your hair as a way to detain you, pulling you by it to slam you against every wall in the room, standing on it as you laid on the ground so you couldn’t get up, watched the other soldiers yank your hair to throw you off balance during one of the hundreds of unfair fights they had thrown you in. Then when the dust was clear and it was time to file back into your cell he would listen to you cry out in pain at the excruciating headaches night after night.

“I’m sorry to hear that.” He looks honestly sad about you cutting your hair and it makes your head a little fuzzy.

You clear your throat not knowing what to say after that before you proceed. “So, uh since I’ve done this before and I have the hands on experience of going through this I’ll be here to help walk you through what to expect over the next few weeks.”

“Thank you.” and it’s so sincere coming from him you know that he is truly and unbelievable appreciative of you and the whole team for helping him.

The next few days go by without a hitch. You mostly make sure his body is in stable enough conditions for his new arm to be attached. After being frozen for nearly a year you have to make sure he can handle it without complications.

“So if you could just like do some small finger movements for me that would be great.” You asked as you sat at the table next to Bucky’s bed.

“Like what?”

“Miming playing the piano, flipping the bird, cracking your knuckles, whatever you want is fine.” You said as you begin to write down his entry for the day.

He doesn’t know what to do with his hand and fingers so in his state of nervousness he runs them through his hair.

“Perfect!” The smile on your face is so bright and infectious he can’t help but return it with a laugh.

The rest of the consultation goes smoothly, you finishing up Bucks records so he can be taken to get his arm attached and Bucky trying his damndest not to stare at you and the way you moved.

When Bucky finally leaves your office you have a smile on your face a mile long and you don’t try to suppress it partly because you don’t want to and partly because you couldn’t even if you wanted to. You knew Bucky probably wasn’t as giddy after your meetings as you were but you genuinely couldn’t help it. The person who had basically saved you from hell was back in your life and even if he didn’t think of the same way you had, even if he had done it a hundred times after you were saved, it was still special and you were still so thankful for him.

T'challa is always the first person to talk to you after all of your meetings with Bucky and he always calls out your over the moon happiness which you don’t deny.

“I take it you had a good meeting with the Sergeant?” He asked as he looked over the files you had been working on with Bucky.

“Yep, he is well on his way to the road of recovery.” You smiled even brighter if that was possible because you were truly happy to be helping Bucky recover.

“He isn’t the only one.” T’challa mumbled as he walked away from you with the files.

* * *

It had been well over 9 months since Bucky had woken up in Wakanda and it had definitely, without question, been the best months of his long life.

He had his arm back and it was newer and better than ever. He had Steve by his side again, he still wasn’t a hundred percent sure why he wasn’t back in new York with his team, but every time he questioned it Steve would just ignore him. And he got to spend 85% of his day with the most gorgeous girl he had ever seen in his life.

“So I was thinkin’ we could go take a walk around that little water bank you like, maybe have a picnic or something?” Bucky asked as you inspected his new arm. Shuri and T’challa had both agreed that it would be best for you to work on it for him because he trusted you like he didn’t trust anybody else. He knew you wouldn’t hurt him on purpose or other wise. You knew what tools reminded him of HYDRA and you knew what to do should he ever be brought into a panic while you were working on him.

You and Bucky had become closer and closer over the months. So much closer that if someone could find one of you they were sure to  find the other because you were hardly ever apart. It had become so common for you two to be together that when you were forced to be apart, for your work or his classified meetings with Steve and T’challa, that you both became physically more distracted and anxious. You had unknowingly become each others comfort zone.

“I could really use the break.” You say as you take off the gloves you we’re using to poke and prodded at Bucky.

“So say yes and I’ll make sure to bring that old people pudding you like.”

“Watch your mouth James you are an old people.” You were always thankful for your darker complexion when you were around Bucky because you knew if you were lighter every time he was around you would be a tomato.

“I never said I didn’t like it too.”

After taking virtually no time at all to think about it, you say yes, and again you’re thankful that he can’t truly see how deep you’re blushing.

Bucky had been utterly and truly surprised when you had agreed, so surprised that he had become a stuttering mess as he stumbled over a shaky goodbye and rushed to find Steve.

“Sergeant Barnes, you look rather pleased this afternoon.” When he found Steve in his room and he wasn’t alone, he shouldn’t have been surprised. Steve and T’challa had to keep in close contact so they could become somewhat amicable with Tony. So no, he shouldn’t have been surprised, but with the adrenaline pumping through him he was and he looked like a complete idiot when he had pushed Steves door open with the excited news on his tongue only to be stopped in his tracks when he saw T’challa.

“I uh, well it’s a gorgeous day o-”

“He just came from seeing your sister, of course he’s in a good mood.” Steve said as his eyes sparkled at how happy his friend had become over the last 9 months.

“Ah, then she to must be in great spirits.” T’challa had started to tease Bucky about you in the last few months and Bucky beamed every time he did. His eyes would light up and he would smile wider than the sun. In private. When only he and Steve were around the second you showed up his face went blank. Which only confirmed for T’challa and Steve that he was in deep.

It was weird satisfaction that Bucky got whenever someone so close to you noticed how much joy he got out of spending time with and around you.

Steve would always tell him that whenever he came from one of your meetings he was just like Steve had remember from before the war and Bucky took satisfaction in that as well. That you could bring out a side of him that he wasn’t even really sure he remember about himself.

“You like her.” Is the first thing Steve says when T’challa leaves.

“You’re an idiot.” Buck doesn’t look Steve in the eyes because obviously he’s right he does like you and as far as he can remember he’s liked you since HYDRA.

“Why don’t you say something to her?”

“Like what? Hey I’m still not a hundred percent in the head but i’d love to kiss on you a bunch.” Bucky rolls his eyes still not looking at Steve. 

“You are  _clearly_   the idiot in this situation.”

He is an idiot he knows that, but he also knows that its more then him just liking you. Its the both of you with both of your struggles coming together and it could be explosive in the best or worst way. If he tried something with you and you both crashed and burned he would never forgive himself. 

“He likes you.” T’challa starts as he opens the door to your room.

“What?” 

“You heard me, he likes you and you like him,why haven’t you done anything about this yet?”

“Well first, he doesn’t like me, so its kind of impossible to do anything when someone doesn’t like you. Second if i did, which I’m not sayin’ I do, but if, there is a giant if there, I did maybe like him I- I couldn’t he’s gettin’ better with his recovery and i’m, I ju-” **  
**  
“You don’t think you’re getting better?”

“I can’t be, I don’t feel like I am.” It was frustrating to some degree watching someone who went through the same thing you had, getting better and better and you not changing one bit, still suffering from nightmares and the occasional panic attacks. It was selfish of you, and you knew that, to want Bucky to stagnant and not make progress like you hadn’t, but you didn’t want to suffer alone anymore now that you had Bucky. You wanted to have someone who woke up with you in a cold sweat at 3 am and just knew what was wrong and how to help fix it. But he was getting better, he was recovering with such ease and it hurt, when you wake up in the middle of the night you would walk around to see if anybody, mostly Bucky, was awake and of course, he would be sound asleep in his room. It was selfish of you, but you wanted him to have nightmares with you. 

“You’re getting so much better,” He made his way over to you when he saw you had started to cry “It’s hard for you to see because it’s not the same progress.” when he finally made it to you, you couldn’t help but to succumb to tears as you rushed into his arms.  

“It’s not fair.” You’re not sure if your talking about how your unwarranted frustration towards Buckys progress is unfair or the fact that he’s getting better and your not. Either way the statement still rings true.

* * *

“It’s been better recently. There aren’t so many now and when they are it’s only me and an empty room so that’s a victory. I owe that all to you guys here.”

It’s towards the end, you assume, of the picnic the food is all gone and the sun had gone down a good 2 hours ago, the moon was full and high in the sky, reflecting beautiful of the water just in front of you. It was almost peaceful Buckys deep smooth voice lulling you into a calm outer state even though your insides were far from calm. You and Bucky had started to have a deeper talk and neither of you were quite ready to call it a night yet.

“It’s nothing really we were more than gla- wait what?” You must be looking at him like he had grown a second head by the way his eyes have gone wide.

“What?”

“You still have nightmares?” He laughs and you feel a little offended and a lot embarrassed.

“As much as being here has been helping me, and it has been a lot, I don’t think those will ever go away.” He sounds sad and you feel like the biggest asshole on earth. “They’re just more manageable now, there’s a reason to fight and want get a good nights sleep.” He takes this opportunity to look at you and admire the way the curls in your hair look like springs as they blow gently in the wind. “Don’t want to be sleep deprived during our consultations.”

“I feel like an idiot.” You say as you watch the wind pick up a leaf from the ground and carry it off towards the water.

“Why?”

There’s a bitter wet laugh that comes from you and you don’t look up at Bucky when you speak. Your already crying and if that is any inclination about how this is going to go that isn’t really good.

“I was jealous of you,” you don’t have to look at him to know that he’s staring at you “I thought that you didn’t have them anymore,” you wiped roughly at your soaking wet cheeks and continued, “and I was jealous because I still have them every night and I was selfish because,” You’re crying rivers at this point, but you don’t want to stop because it feels so good to let the tears and pain out, to finally tell someone how you felt and what you struggled with instead of closing yourself off, “I wanted you to still have them, because I didn’t wanna be alone again.”

“Hey,” he moves to sit in front of you gently pulling close to his chest, “it’s fine, doll.” he rubs smooth circles over your back. There is a plethora of whispers into your hair ranging from ‘It’s okay’ to ‘I’m here’.

“I don’t wanna be alone anymore.” You sobbed into Bucky’s shirt. He doesn’t say anything and for a second you aren’t sure if he cares or not, but he pulls you back even closer to his chest. It’s bone crushing and a little painful, but it’s comforting and nice and exactly what you need.

The physical contact, the tight way he holds you. It had been far too long since you had been held.

There were no words that Bucky could think of to make you feel better, he wasn’t much of a words person anyway so action. He was good at action, so he hugged you as tight as he could. A silent promise that you weren’t alone and you didn’t have to be as long as he was there.

That night you stayed up with Bucky talking and crying to him about everything. It felt refreshing to have someone to talk and listen to you without fear of judgment or pity, someone who didn’t have to ask about why you ticked the way you did because they ticked the same way, someone who went through hell right beside you.

Your personal therapist had told you so many times that talking would make it bearable, but for a long time now there was no one to talk to. Your siblings wouldn’t understand the pain and you were terrified they wouldn’t see you as their sister, but instead as who HYDRA had changed you to. You couldn’t talk to your dad about it afraid that he would lock you up in a bubble. So you didn’t talk about it stayed quiet and smiled on the outside while the memory and pain ate at you everyday for years from the inside out. Now that you could talk to someone about it openly and honestly, someone who felt the pain that you had and knew you weren’t a charity case felt damn good.

Bucky understood what you went through. Understood why it made your heart stop when a guard would approach you too suddenly, too loudly. He understood why you didn’t wanna go certain places, didn’t want to eat or be around certain things. In return you understood Bucky much the same. You understood why he didn’t want to be the reason Steve left his friends. Understood why he didn’t want to go back to New York. But both of you had each other now.

“Thank you.” By this point your voice is broken and scratchy, your eyes are swollen and red, and you’re practically glued to Buckys chest with how tight you both are holding on to each other. It had been a full hour and a half of you crying to Bucky and him listening intently never once interrupting you, which you appreciated, you just wanted to get everything out and off your chest.

It probably sounds like you are thanking him for listening to you cry for the last hour, but its so much more. You’re thanking him for giving you an outlet, thanking him for letting you finally open up about something that has been so tightly shut for so long.

It was beyond painful for Bucky to hear you talk about this, even though he had witnessed it and gone through it too, hearing it was on a totally different level.

When you had finally finished talking and he was sure you were done he pulled you away from him just far enough for his hands to fall to your puffy cheeks and pull your face up to look at him. 

When your eyes met his they were watery and red a clear sign that he had been crying right along with you.

His body was buzzing with anticipation. He wanted to kiss you, he had planned to try and make a move, but that shot was blown when the conversation had taken a turn.

His eyes dropped down to your lips for a split second before he shook his head slightly and looked up at you.

“I’m so sorry.” You weren’t sure why he was sorry, he didn’t do it, he was a victim just like you were. You wanted to tell him not to be sorry, that you were good, felt better because of him. Words escaped you though when you looked up and saw him looking at your lips. 

So you leaned forward and pressed your lips gently to his. As soon as your lips touched his though, he went rigid. When the kiss went unanswered you pulled away, maybe you had misinterpreted the way he looked at your lips as something else, ready to apologize for the suddenness you started to pull away from him, but he stops you as he pulls you back into him, his hands holding your face again, but he doesn’t move in to kiss you, just looks you over. 

He looks at the curve of your nose, the arch of you eyebrows, the slight red tint on your tear stained cheeks that he can just barley make out under your deep complexion and the moon light, then he looks at your lips again. They’re swollen from you biting them and a little chapped from the cool night air, but they look so soft.

He leans in then, still holding your cheeks in his hands and presses a light kiss to your lips, just hard enough so you can feel it, but still light enough to convey the message that hes here now and its okay.

**Author's Note:**

> Its 12:27 and i just died because of mr.robot


End file.
